I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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