First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
