I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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