I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
