Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
