I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
