it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
