My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
