you would pick up someone in the library
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
