If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
