**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize