Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
