this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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