I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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