Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
