she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
