Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
