You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
