We won't sleep together?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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