Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
