wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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