i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize