the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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