If you die in college, do you die in real life?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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