I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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