Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize