Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
