He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
