did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
