If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
