Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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