i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
