I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
