escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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