went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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