hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
