I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
