Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I need a burrito and a hug.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
