It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize