I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Found the puke drawer
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
