I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
