you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
