I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
