I think im going to throw up on grandma
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize