just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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