She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
