Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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