she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize