Your dad touched me again.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
