I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i think my cat just said my name.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize