White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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