What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
