just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
