She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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