I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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