i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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