Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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