note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
