just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
