think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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