obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
