Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
