I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
