just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
