I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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