Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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