i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
