I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
