when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
