you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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