i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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