Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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