We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
