you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
