**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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