Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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