are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
