I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
