Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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