Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
