THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
